On July 26th that unforeseen moment, that unrehearsed ending happened when I walked into our family room to find my wife Julie lying there, peaceful but unresponsive. I immediately flashed backed to one spring morning when I was 11 or 12, as I was getting ready for school and heard these God awful wails and screams from our neighbor who it turns out had just found her husband dead. I found myself re-living that moment when once I realized Julie was not going to wake up, creating noises from deep inside that must have sounded disturbing to anyone who could hear my cries for my very best friend.
Ours was a friendship that began even before I knew it. But Julie knew that first summer we worked together at WBNS-TV that we were loves destinity. The summer intern from the newsroom would have probably predicted then and there that the floor director who stood between the cameras every night during the news would someday be her husband. As for me, all I saw was a girl whose hair was curly and came to a point but nothing special. Why would I be interested in her, I had already found the love of my life or so I thought.
By the next summer, my love interests had changed from girls at work to playing golf. Julie returned for another internship in the newsroom and for some reason I found myself being drawn to the newsroom more and more even though floor directors were to never to step foot out of the studio. Luckily I followed my instincts and not the rules that summer. Still she pretty much had to ask me out that June 30th, 1977 evening as we watched the weather radar together while discussing the controversial topic, does outdoor smell change if a tornado is approaching?
Until 4am the next morning on the screened porch of the house where she lived with her parents and two sisters, we drank beer iced in a wheelbarrow, leftover from her Dad's party for a softball team and families. Since no tornado destroyed the evening, talk swiftly moved to more realistic topics and quickly we learned about each other. We moved to my car to say goodnight but found we still had more to talk about. Then, as the birds signaled daylight was approaching so ended our first date and the sun would soon shine on our new friendship that would continue on for 35 more years.
Everyone we knew realized we had nothing in common. I love sports, in fact have almost always worked in sports. She hated sports, especially the pros and big time college teams. I enjoy chick flicks, she craved a good murder-mystery. She loved to read and dearly loved her music from the 60's and 70's, especially top 40 and bubble gum bands. Her encyclopedic knowledge of this era taught me to appreciate some great and not so great music, but most importantly, we discovered our common ground.
I teased her constantly while dating about her obsession with The Osmonds until she opened my eyes by allowing me to accompany her to a concert at the Ohio State Fair. It was then that I realized she had taste in music and performing, both of which these brothers could do.
But Julie, never mainstream, did not go for Donny. Her love was with the drummer, Jay Osmond. She had the ability to talk her way backstage during state fair concerts when they were held outside on the grandstand stage. Following one of their concerts, she had a picture taken backstage with Jay. On her 50th birthday with a hint from her family, Jay sent Julie a personal happy birthday wish which took the sting out of turning 50.
But despite our wide range of interests, we always found ways to talk, laugh after arguments, understand weaknesses, appreciate the good in each other and simply enjoy our time together. Ours was never what you would call a love affair, she despised public displays of affection. What we had was a friendship that included love, respect, loyalty and a desire to always make each other smile and be happy, whether we wanted to or not. We took care of each other when faced with challenges, mentally and physically, listened as the other cried or screamed but always knew when it was time to support each other. Call it instinct, call it kismet but this was our relationship, this was my friend Julie.
Friendship was important to Julie and everyone was her new best friend. I always pitied the person who had to sit next to Julie on an airplane because what they did not know was she was bound and determined to make them her newest best friend. But more important to Julie were her true best friends, the ones she grew up with from the 5th grade. These people were Julie's world and she willingly accepted the challenge of keeping this group together and together they remain, being there for each other at times of need or just sitting well into the night trading the same stories over and over as if they remembered them for the first time.
Like all at the silly love stage, we had nicknames. Ours was based on visiting a Piggly-Wiggly grocery store while dating and from that we somehow christened each other Pig and Wig. both had cool cars while dating, hers a white 1973 Mustang convertible and mine a 1969 Camaro. We loved the ocean, any ocean, got to visit Hawaii twice and somehow together we raised three amazing children despite trying to be their friend and not their parents. We taught them a great deal of wrong and a little bit of right and always justified this form of parenting so that they would learn from our mistakes and create better lives for themselves. I don't recommend this method for anyone but the results so far are looking good.
This is just a glimpse of the person I got to call my wife, but more importantly my best friend.
If you asked me to describe Julie in one word it would be complex. She always told people she was a Gemini, the sign of duality and you never knew which Julie you would get each day. One day would be the free spirit outgoing Julie just looking for a party and the next would be quiet, pensive Julie who just wanted to be alone with her thoughts.
But it didn't matter which Julie you experienced, she would somehow leave her mark on you, wowing you with her knowledge of pop music, making you laugh with her ability to tell a story, making you mad with her honesty or just realizing she somehow got you to reveal things about yourself that normally you would tell no one. Then you knew you had just found your new best friend.
