If Not Us...Who?

“There is no present or future. only the past happening over and over.” Eugene O’Niel

As I was trying to make sense of  the fall out of the Harvey Weinstein story, my daughter who works in Human Resources said something I had never really thought about, “Its not easy being a woman these days.”

Wait…What?…These days?  The actions of Weinstein were events that happened years ago much like the women who accused Bill Cosby of similar acts. Today Women are succeeding in the workplace, men are actually working for women and the glass ceiling has been shattered.

Or so I thought.

We’ve been exposed to the exploits of people like Weinstein and Bill Cosby, Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes and even President Clinton. We listen in shock of their sickness and disregard for women. We hope their world collapses around them with little disregard for the lives of their victims. Yet we fail to wonder if,when and how it will ever end, what will it take to stop this appalling dis-respect towards women and bring much needed hope for change.

As a man and a father of two amazing daughters, I am sickened to think that they may have experienced something like this. I am disgusted by men who can justify their actions by joking or even bragging of their behavior. I’m mortified by men who feel they are superior enough to prey upon on a woman just to prove his strength over them with little concern for their well-being, emotions and the lifetime of emotional scars they inflicted.

   

And I’m embarrassed that too many men do not have the ability or even understand what it means to treat a woman with the respect and dignity they so much deserve.

 After many classes on sexual harassment and producing training videos that put the fear of God into the men who had to watch, the idea of treating a woman with anything less than equality seemed ancient.

And this idiocy also includes racism and equal rights based on sexual preference. The KKK is making a return, white supremacy supporters are growing in number and the division between whites and other people of color is getting wider.

I suppose I was a lucky person growing up in a family that stressed showing respect for others and wanting little in return. The Golden Rule was the way to lead my life along with the the laws of scouting to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Seems too simple. No where does it say create and follow my own agenda at the total expense  of others. 

  

How did treating others with respect and dignity lose it’s way in a society that is screaming  for direction and leadership?  Why is it we complicate the simple things in life specifically how we treat each other. We’ve had enough history to learn from, speeches to be inspired by and hurt to be humbled with. But somehow the message seems to fall short of those who consider themselves superior to others simply because of the color of their skin, their power hold in business and society or even their gender.

   

Only one of those we can control. We don’t choose to be male or female, black or white, straight or gay. And like the argument goes, what gives anyone else the power to dictate the rights and privileges of others based on sex, race or even sexual preference.

 

It’s become obvious based on the reaction of our elected officials that they lack the ability or courage to bring about change without affecting their ability to raise money, so where do we turn.

We will always need people of courage to protect our lives and our freedoms from terrorists. But now we need people with the courage to stand up and lead the way against bullies, sexual predators, power seeking selfishness and ego strutting maniacs.Where are these leaders?

Maybe we’re all to blame in some way. Our elected President in an interview degraded women and justified his comments by saying it was locker room talk and went so far as to call his opponent a nasty woman, yet he sits as our 45^th President and his comments are not even mentioned in comparison to Weinstein or Cosby or even President Bill Clinton. These stories just come with lots of coverage and opinions but as soon as the news cycle takes away the attention, we take comfort in the hope that the problem no longer exists

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Once again we’re confronted with the need for leadership and change, change that will bring us hope for a safer, trusting and  loving country. 

When a woman no longer feels safe just going to work without fear of intimidation or physical harm, is there hope?; When a black person can no longer return from work with a sense of value instead of a feeling of fear and hatred is there hope? When none of  us can look at our neighbor or co-worker with trust or friendship is there hope? When it becomes impossible to simply walk through a park or shopping center without fear is there hope? When we are all forced to lock ourselves into our homes like a self imposed jail sentence and cut ourselves off from society because it’s the only way to protect our lives and family, where is the hope?

 

Maybe it’s time we look beyond the headlines and opinions, and instead of placing blame take it upon ourselves to bring about change. If not us, then who?

Maybe then we can begin to find ways to discover and deliver much needed hope.    

One week post surgery

For the most point I am a pretty optimistic guy so as I reach this first milepost how do I approach it? Am I one week down or just 5 weeks left on the non weight bearing part of this journey. That also led me to start thinking this becomes more of a psychological battle than just finding ways to avoid pain and be comfortable. One is very limited when it comes to activities after foot or ankle surgery. I have a therapist who comes twice a week to teach me how to deal with things and gives me some exercises to do to keep a little strength in my legs. I actually look forward to their visit because it's a break in the routine. But after exercise number two I quickly wonder why it was I looked forward to their visit.

I think it's the loss of independence that is creeping into my psyche and playing havoc. My days are based on when to get up to pee, when to take my meds, when do Courtney and Justin and the kids get home, then dreading going to bed and repeating it all tomorrow. I have started adding work to my schedule which is mostly watching sports productions and writing reviews for schools and announcers. That's helping to shorten the days, but I find myself thinking of all the things I want to do but can't. It's like eating Tofu instead of Ice Cream, its the right thing to do but then I still want Ice Cream.  You just miss the things you can't do more so when you don't  control the circumstances. Then I look down at my leg, where I swear they replaced my foot with a bowling ball, thinking one week down or is it 5 weeks to go.

What have I learned so far....avoid the news channels unless you thrive on a state of anger and depression. Also I am not a binge watcher so my monthly Netflix payment is going to waste except for those who I unknowingly share my account with. They are the ones who then tell me I should sit and watch a certain series, which I try, only to lose interest halfway through the 2nd episode. The knee scooter is the absolute perfect mode of transportation when needing to get around. Although it has a very loose turning radius so be careful not to tip it and all of the sudden your weight is on your foot and your hands are protecting your face from the wall in front of you and you think I have ruined everything and you scream which brings your care takers running and trying not to laugh at the situation you created....not that I have experienced this but can only imagine.

What's next? Formulating a plan for conquering the need to go up 5 steps, then get me upright so that I can get to my first follow up appointment in one week and a cast to replace the splint/bowling ball I am in now. Pain management is under control as I slowly switch from the Oxycontin to Tylenol. Normally it would be Ibuprofen but because I'm on a blood thinner to treat my AFib  I need to avoid Ibuprofen. Pain that I have is mostly from not having my foot elevated lonmger than I should.

Most important is that you have the support of a family member or really really close and dedicated friend knowing what you will both be experiencing pushes the bounds of friendships and family support. In my case, as I have mentioned, it's my grown kids who have been there for me. I would like to say this is payback for those teenage years but guess what guys, this is just a first rehearsal, the main show should be quite an attraction.

 

Day 2 & 3 Surgery & Recovery

Welcome to day 5 of surgery recovery and based on the title of this post it should not be hard to imagine days 2, 3 &4 went from the bizarre to frustration with a dash of humiliation.

The morning after surgery went fine. I discovered dilaudid  and its magic elixir does wonders for a person's state of mind when dealing with pain. The only problem is it is not included in the gift bag as you leave the hospital. As I searched through the gift bag full of the clothes I wore the day before the hospital had determined I was just fine and ready to go home and the transfer of power had been made from medical experts to people  whose medical expertise came from binge watching medical shows.

Now you would think going home would  be exciting but this was number one on my what I dread about surgery list. I have and read and been told countless times to not put any weight on the foot that was operated on and keep it elevated for the first two weeks. Easier said than done and the pain that went with any ounce of weight on the surgical foot was a constant reminder and I swear there was a little man dressed like a Doctor flipping a switch with this hideous laugh while sending pain to my right foot every  time I accidentally stepped on that foot.

After much debate we determined based on our medical expertise, the best place for me was on the floor of the mini van. That alone required 4 bolts of pain so no way was I considering the comfort of a seat. Next came exiting the van once we arrived home only to see a vast spread of concrete called the garage floor. My team of experts began the process of how we would get me to the next obstacle, a set of three steps up. First we tried a wagon used for Grandchildren that now needs a 4 wheel alignment. We quickly eliminated the strong shoulders of my  medical team and when I heard the distinct sound of a furniture dolly being assembled I summoned the strength on a Ninja Warrior to grab the walker and took the needed hops with no weight on the right foot in order to land at the base of the dreaded three steps. I chose the backwards butt slide up those steps then an arm crawl across the dining room and kitchen floors, reversed to a forward butt slide down 5 steps to my living level, mounted my new knee scooter, maneuvered to my new bedroom, threw up and crawled into bed. There ends Day Two.

Advice was one reason to write this so if you are facing surgery like this you will  have some idea what to expect. Next to getting in and out of the car, hygiene was a major concern. especially getting to and going to the bathroom. Lets get this out of the way, everybody pees and everybody poops so going forward those are the words I am using. I know this is from a guy's perspective but guy or girl, don't be afraid to ask for help. Guys can use plastic urinals and I assume a girl has to sit on the dreaded bed pan. In the hospital they have seen it all a million times so keep telling yourself this. At home find a friend or family member that is willing to do what no one asks a friend to do. In my case, my son in law has gone above and beyond and handles it with great patience and understanding. A weird sense of humor seems to help as well.  The worst thing you can do is not deal with this upfront and be faced with a humiliating experience like peeing all of yourself then asking for help. Know who is helping you  and make sure they know what they are getting into. Its a temporary thing, you are not asking them to do this for the rest of your lives and one day you will laugh....I hope.

Day 4 started with a breakdown after not being able to get to the bathroom in time and having to lie in wait for help, knowing the things I would never want to be asked to do I was going to have to ask my son in law to do for me I really thought there was no way I could handle this and see this through and could only think I would end up in a Rehab center. Tears did not help and feeling sorry for myself did not work, I just had to face reality. I hope that was a turning point because the rest of the day brought hope for less pain through out the day and being able to deal with it. For me Surgery was on a Thursday and everyone who was helping were off on Friday then we had the weekend to get settled without dealing with work schedules as well. Day 5 brings a home health care worker to assess where we are and how we are doing

         

Day Before Surgery

Tomorrow I am having surgery on my right foot to repair the ruptured Peroneal  tendons. This was originally diagnosed as arthritis but on July 13th while walking across the living room I felt a snap in my foot. After having an MRI done 2 weeks later, that nasty word surgery was delivered. This unwelcome news came at a time that I had begun the process to have Bariatric surgery so this became not only a painful decision but an emotional one as well since I had already told quite a few people I was seriously considering bariatric bypass.  But common sense stepped forward and realizing one was required surgery and the other an elective surgery and considering I would not be able to do any walking post Bariatric surgery, I got the horse back in front of the cart and here I am today, preparing for 6 weeks of recovery from foot surgery. That means no weight bearing on that foot.

I have purchased a knee scooter  for when I'm ready to move around. Considering a shower bench and a higher toilet seat. I will be staying with my Daughter and Son-In-Law along with their 4 year old daughter and 18 month old son. I am so grateful for their generosity but I can't help but wonder when will my lovely Granddaughter asks when is Grandpa leaving...he stinks! Yes hygiene is a major concern and I'm open to advice or suggestions so that I remain in good standing with Rylie.

The hospital has called and we are to be there at 6am for a 7:30 surgery. My son Kyle is taking me. No food or water after midnight. So what caused this mild discomfort? Probably my weight, and finally the tendons could take no more. It was described to me as watching a rope fray, eventually it will coma apart and like a frayed rope, it can't fix itself. On top of that I am in what they call AFib so there is a little concern about that. I have been treated twice for that but thats on hold until after this surgery and I will work with Cardiologist starting in December,

So if you have not figured things out, my weight is still a really really good bowling score or that of most  football linemen. I would like to say this was a result of too much running or a serious kick boxing accident (you should see the other guy), but no, the tug of war waged between my foot and the rest of my body wore out my tendons.

I have put this off as long as I could and my foot is telling me no more so stay tuned  for my typing skills combined with pain killers.   

Thoughts and Prayers

Have the tragic shooting events that are becoming an un-welcome part of our lives and the tattered fabric of our country finally sucked the meaning out of the fall back phrase “thoughts and prayers.” Our leaders have uttered it so many times it’s meaning seems hallow and worthless like saying have a nice day. Does it really provide comfort and ease the pain to those its being offered to?

When someone says my thoughts are with you, what meaning is there behind those words, how can we even imagine what that person is going through, how their life has been changed, what emotions are tearing at their very being. It’s one thing to offer our thoughts to a relative or friend but when a political leader utters the same phrase, where does the meaning come from behind the words?

But when someone also offers prayers it’s even more personal. For me prayers are private, personal thoughts and concerns between me and God. How then do the prayers of someone else reach out to those we pray for?  But more so, do we always remember to say those prayers we offered as sympathy. I know for me I have a hard time remembering to take that moment to pray a prayer that has great meaning to me. How does something that is so personal carry meaning when offered by someone these people have never met.

But more than offering thoughts and prayers it’s time for those who have been elected to serve our country, defend our constitution and protect our freedoms, to finally put meaning behind their thoughts for victims and families. Only they have the power to bring life to their words by finally realizing why they chose to serve this country.

Too often they are referred to as Politicians instead of the elected official sworn to uphold the rights and freedoms of American Citizens. They let politics be their excuse for the inability to create needed change. They were not elected to deliver their thoughts and prayers, we gave them the power to enact change that will allow us to go about normal lives and no longer live in fear of our fellow citizens.

If we can no longer feel safe dropping off our kids at school, going to a movie or attending an outdoor music festival, what good are these rights and freedoms? No longer can we hold accountable just the deranged shooter but it’s time that  those who have the ability to actually make the changes to give back the freedoms we cherish to take the blame and be held accountable as well.

You Mr President, Justices of the Supreme Court, Senators and Representatives now have the blood of the innocent victims on your hands and it cannot be washed away through thoughts and prayers. Only your actions can bring changes that will allow your constituents to enjoy the freedom to go about normal lives. Until then fear is the new normal.

 We always hold high the courage of first responders’ and the job they do even though this is what they are trained to do and the profession they chose. I am grateful for these brave people, but my thoughts and prayers would be they never have to experience for real what they are trained to do. We also praise the efforts of everyday Americans as we open our hearts and wallets searching for ways to help the victims of events that we wish never happened. My thoughts and prayers would be that instead of defining ourselves as those who come together when needed, instead  be defined as those who come together to celebrate the peace and love we have for each other.

I recently was astounded to hear a group of young people in ages of 25 to 40 discussing what they had in their “bug out bags” and what they felt they needed to survive should our country be devastated by something other than natural disasters. These are the people who will be the next to bring about change and define our country and instead of talking about hope and dreams, they were discussing fear and selfishness.

No longer are thoughts and prayers enough, it’s time for action that is pure and simple. Not to sound like a 60’s flower child but my prayer is we no longer ask or deliver thoughts and prayers but instead we live our lives in peace and with love of one another.   

Fools On The Hill

Proverbs 18:2 A fool does not delight in understanding. But only in revealing his own mind.

To paraphrase a famous movie line, "I'm embarrassed as hell and why do we keep taking this." Maybe not as catchy or memorable but something I feel more and more each day as I watch this house of cards called our government tremble and weaken and the trump card, our President, losing the confidence of Americans and the ability to lead us to "Making America Great Again."

Our elected leaders as well as the media are so wrapped up in trying to prove who had the most ties to the Russians and who to blame for leaking the stories about ties to the Russians, we don't see the obvious, the Russians are winning by simply making fools of these lawmakers who in turn are stupidly playing along. It was never so obvious as when the Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov during introductions with our Secretary of State, mocked the media while being asked for his reaction to the firing of FBI Director James Comey as he turned to the media shouting questions and satirically asked "He was fired?"

Then as the Russians meet with Our President in The Oval Office, our media is banned from being there while the visiting Russian media is there documenting from the room where our reputation as the world's leader was built by men who had we the people and our safety solely in mind.

With this it has become obvious the Russians  have what was once considered the greatest country on earth rocking on its heels. Our arch enemy for as long as I have walked this earth has America where they want us, vulnerable and defensive. They influenced the election by throwing their support behind Trump because they recognized his in-ability to lead or to gain the confidence of Americans.

And without hardly trying, they are winning. The Russians have brought our government to a grinding halt. Oh sure the House approved a ridiculous version of a health care act that the Senate may not see for months because Trump then chooses to fire the FBI Director who unknowingly helped to get him elected and then claims he wasn't doing his job. Our President seems to think because people watched his reality show just to hear him say "You're fired!" will like him better by doing the same thing as President.

Like it or not he has weakened us in the eyes of the world. Amazingly, he has done in just over 100 days what has taken 241 years to build. And he has made fools of each of us whether we voted for him or not. Some will say this is all the fault of the media by reporting leaks made from within the walls of the White House and the FBI. Again missing the point, its not the leaks that will kill you, it's that weakening wall thats holding back an ocean  of lies, mistakes, immaturity  and inability to lead that's about to collapse that could make us no better than other 3rd world countries.

We as a country suffered the childish behavior while he traveled the Middle East, visited the Vatican and bullied his way through meetings with other world leaders who must be wondering whatever became of the USA they once respected.

Now he chooses to pull out from a world wide climate agreement intended to continue to protect the planet we call home. To what end? What does this accomplish other than taking the attention away from the ongoing and ever-growing investigations, rumors and leaks concerning Russian relationships.

So that brings us to the question, when will our other elected leaders realize as each day passes the concept of democracy and freedom are being demoralized and our real walls are being weakened and hiding behind the line of protecting the rights, freedom and safety of the people who elected them is nothing but a joke. The President asked when will countries start to laugh at us....the laughter is growing louder each day.

Maybe it's time for another march on our Nation's Capitol to send the message to our officials and our President that they cannot possibly ignore. Hundreds of thousands of us coming together, proving to those who are dividing us that we care about this still great country and the freedom and democracy we cherish.

Thousands and thousands of people converging on the place where lives have been improved and freedom celebrated while sending an urgent plea and reminder to those who work for us that we demand action that protects our lives and families.

Thousand and thousands of Americans who represent the diversity that defines what our country is about, coming together to challenge our elected leaders to do the job we entrusted them to do  and that the decisions they make have the intent of making the population of our entire country better.

Thousands and thousands of people coming together to remind lawmakers and our President its not about winning or setting records, it's about finding solutions that benefit the citizens they represent and not the party they stand for.

Is this great country being weakened by a President and a majority party who's only agenda seems to be to overturn everything the previous administration accomplished.  Based on approval ratings, just 38% of the country agrees with this direction while the other 62% can only sit and watch these fools weaken us in the eyes of the rest of the world who once depended on The United States to lead in times of challenge, attacks on human rights or devastation.

Trump claims we have not won anything as a country lately. Our last win may have been WWII when democracy and freedom saved the world from heathens and mass murderers. We then became the world's leader. Our freedom has been challenged, our borders breached and our security threatened but until now our reputation as the world's leader has never been challenged.

Ask yourself each morning Mr President, is what you are doing really making America Great Again? Better yet, How?

May It Be A Damn Sight Better Than The Old One

I recently had a conversation with a friend who I see maybe once a year and he asked, "so how has your year been?" Wow, my mind says. Do I tell him just what kind of year it's been or just tell him it sucked and we move on.

If you know me, or have read this blog, you know its been quite a year. The remainder of this blog entry provides the details, but needless to say 2013 has been less than desirable. So, how do you describe a year that has had enough highs and lows to reach mountain tops and fill valleys. Stay with me as I try to paint a picture with words that capture moments I will cherish as well as moments that  will always be with me like it or not.

The year started in very unspecatcular fashion with the usual crappy weather that defines Ohio winters and lots of college basketball. As most know I travel Producing and Directing college basketball for ESPN, mostly in the Horizon and Missouri Valley Conference. These are the conferences many refer to as mid-majors or the bracket buster teams when it comes tournament time. My games are not the premiere game or rarely are my games on "the" ESPN network. But it is still basketball at its best….usually. You never know on a given night when one player goes for 40 points, or it comes down to a buzzer beater shot or you just get to see a really good basketball game. I get to work with some very talented and really great people who despite the miles apart we live or the so little time we spend together, have become a second family to me. Sadly, we lost one of those family members, Tom Domer, who will be a standard bearer for those who follow, a professional to a fault and a friend to everyone he touched,

It is a glamorous job but a job that takes a toll, both physically and mentally with travel and highs and lows and long lonely road trips. But I would not trade it for the world.

Julie and I made the transition to spring by making what was becoming our traditional trip to Marco Island. We fell in love with this place and the beach along with our day trip to Key West. I even made a new friend this trip named McCarthy from Green Bay...not Mike the coach but his three year old daughter, Isabella who shared her beach toys with me....not to worry, being a life long Packer fan, I made sure to make a fool of myself introducing myself to Coach as well.

After living in the same house for 16 years, our backyard has become a place to entertain, our own oasis with a deck, bar and temporary gazebo we christened "the hut." But this year, we were forced to replace our hut made of bamboo. It survived 6 years including a rare hurricane which required it to be anchored to the house to avoid leaning. The lean seemed to cause a kind of vertigo when you sat in it, despite the gallons of alcohol consumed there. So we chose a new one, bought it on line, assembled one beautiful May Saturday and listened to it collapse three days later due to a not so rare May monsoon. That should have been a sign but with the demise of our oasis, our interest in the backyard faded and the deck, bar and patio turned earily silent and flowers and plants that added color never met earth.

We spent the early part of summer counting the days until our 2nd Grandchild would be born to our daughter Courtney and her husband Justin. There were baby showers, 4th of July celebration or as Julie called it, High Holy days in Upper Arlington, OH. This was not as hectic as it had been in past years since we moved the celebration to Courtney's house in nearby Worthington. Not hosting had become a relief but a sad end of an era since our house and backyard had been the place to culminate a long day of friends, food and drink. Again it may have been a hint or sign of things to come but just seemed like a natural progression as our kids were starting their own lives and families.

It was at this time that First Community Church became a very important part of my life. This is the church Julie grew up in, the church we and both daughters were married in and where our kids and Grandson Jackson were baptized. After talking to a very good friend and mentor about helping to improve the Church's  media ministry and meeting people that would later become very important to me, I found a new opportunity to use my TV and video knowledge and fill in some blank dates during the summer. I immediately fell in love with the challenge of improving the look of the churches television show with the help of my new found friends. The timing was perfect or as they put it, this was destiny.

Then came the moment I re-live day after day, an event you don't plan for, a moment in time that cannot be erased. When you lose your best friend of 35 years unexpectedly you immediately wonder how will I go on, how will I live each day without tears, mental pain and suffering. Then within minutes people, no,  friends step up and do things you never dreamed would happen. One refuses to leave my side until I am settled down and thinking clearly, your best friend drops everything and flies across the country to be with you, your brother and sister-in-law  come from South Carolina in a minutes notice, friends and co-workers, even bosses you have not seen in years appear and offer their support. Others unselfishly give their time and resources to put together meals, "backyard parties" and whatever else we needed to make those few miserable days tolerable. What I thought would be the darkest time in my life became a celebration for the life of the person who made a large part of my time here the very happiest. Friends and family made it okay to cry, laugh, hug and most important carry on with my life while never forgetting my wonderful wife and best friend Julie and to each and everyone one of you I am forever grateful.

And like that, things started to turn for the better. Call it the circle of life, destiny, God's healing touch or just Julie stirring the pot, 8 days later we welcomed Rylie Jo Simmons to our family, the daughter of Courtney and Justin and then before we could all get over how adorable she was, we grew as a family a little bit more with the arrival of Cooper Gareff DeWeese, 2nd son to Marin and Kevin. I hate that Julie is not here to be their Yah-Yah, but for me there will always be a little bit of Julie in both Rylie and Cooper and that I will make sure of. My kids and Grandchildren have been my rock through this all. I will always cherish sitting in Courtney's kitchen each morning for the week after Julie's death and watching as my family welcomed the morning each in their own way or listening to their stories of growing up together despite the fact that Julie and I never thought that any of them would survive growing up together! I can grow old now knowing they loved their Mom, they still love their Dad and they love each other. They're adults, they're parents and aunts and uncles but they will always be the one thing that took a very shitty year, shined it and did their very best to make sure it has a happy ending.

Fall meant the return to my road family and football and the transition back to basketball. My travels took me to Dallas twice which meant side trips to Austin to visit grandsons,  Jackson and Cooper and stay in touch with Marin and Kevin. Sunday dinners are quickly becoming a tradition at Courtney and Justin's and time spent with Rylie. Kyle and I muddle through more like roommates than father-son.

But one Sunday in late September will always help to define the life that was Julie. As a part of our church there is a camp in the Hocking Hills of southern Ohio which are the foothills to the Appalachian mountains. This was a place very special to Julie, in fact donations of over $2,000.00 were made in her name to benefit the Camp Akita Scholarship fund to assure kids who want to attend Akita will be able to do so. So it seemed fitting that this be the place to spread her ashes, along with a beach in Florida. So I asked her closest friends and our family to gather there and quickly realized, had it not been for Julie, these people who are my dearest friends would not have ever been a part of my life and this was probably the greatest gift Julie could have ever given me and I will hold that late afternoon, in the gloaming, forever in my heart and mind.

Then it came holiday time and since that god awful day in July, the time I dreaded the most. Triggers were everywhere waiting to move me to tears and make my life miserable those final 6 weeks of the year. But despite some setbacks and full meltdown on a plane on our anniversary, these to we will survive with friends and family. And I firmly believe Julie is the reason why. She was so wrapped in tradition and fought change like a champion fighter so much so that if we held on to a little bit of Julie whether it be her silly stocking gifts, her love of games at family holiday get-togethers, Feliz Navidad or her no sports rule once the tree was up, together we would make it through and we have!

So what if anything can I gleam from 2013? Each of us deals with the loss of loved ones in different ways. So many were concerned for my well being and the most common phrase I heard was, "I can't imagine what you must be going through." I have friends who have gone through worse than I but were there for me with phone calls and notes. So how do I continue to put left foot in front of right foot and repeat?   Luck….thats all I got. I am lucky to have the friends and family I have who all made it possible for me to continue on in as normal a fashion as I could. But the greatest healing moment came over drinks with a very dear friend and her husband who I was meeting for the first time. This was the first real social event without Julie and as the subject slowly moved to how was I dealing with everything, he became emotional and stated that he could not imagine life without his wife. It was then that I realized I was surviving this awful time and I was able to do so because as hard as it is to imagine being without your wife it would have been even harder had Julie and I not spent 35 years together preparing for this time. We built a family fortress to protect each other, a cache full of pictures, memories and events to re-live and a legion of friends who would care for either of us when the worst would happen. It was our being together that has made it possible for me to go on without her but never alone.

Each day, we honor those we love who are now gone, whether we know it or not, by being the people they helped make us to be. And I can attest that my friends and family all come from an amazing legacy based on the actions of all this past 6 months.

So now what. My strength to get me through the first few weeks following Julie's passing was saying, this is the beginning of a new journey. I still don't know where that journey will take me or what will be at the end of that road, in fact I really don't even know if it has begun. Thanks to friends, I now have a personal trainer to get me back on the track for a better me,  a golf date in October 2015 at Pebble Beach to celebrate my 60th birthday, and  new challenges professionally as we make the transition to HD television at church. I also have the three most amazing grandchildren God has created, no really mine are cuter than yours!

This trip alone is beginning to soon for me and so much of our time together was un-finished, but as each day passes, I get a little more excited for this new journey and I can start this new adventure knowing that Julie and I together built the trip-tik for which ever one of us remained. So stay tuned to this very spontaneous blog to see where life takes me as I gladly and sadly say good-bye to 2013 and hello to a New Year, may it be a lot better than the past.

Happy New Year!!