It's My Birthday and I'll Post If I Want To

Today I begin my 63rd trip around the sun. Or did  I just conclude my 62nd year of adventures while travelling around our source of life sustaining heat and light? Either way it's my birthday, it's cold and it's snowing here in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio and I'm trying to put into words what these 62 years have amounted to. Plus it's just a good day to listen to some music and just write.

To begin I consider myself a pretty fortunate guy. From Grandparents to Grandchildren and all my family in between, I would not change a thing. Unconditional love, respect and kindness for each other is the glue that holds us together. We make each other better and in some small, way the world around us.   I've enjoyed amazing experiences, learned valuable lessons, passed on somewhat valuable knowledge and accumulated enough memories, good and bad, to fill a very large attic. It's a good life, a great family and one I would like to continue being a part of for quite some time.

I have become friends with people who have not just influenced my life but provided me with the laughter, the tears and the unselfish caring thoughts and actions that sustain me. Some are personal friends, some are friends from work but each one has a special place in my life and my heart. Some might be more special than others but each has impacted my life.

I have an amazing job and been lucky to have worked in  the same profession for over 40 years. I have been able to work with and learn from some amazing people, see things and go places that otherwise I would have never experienced and hopefully made some kind of dent in someone else's life.

 Now I know some are reading this for post foot surgery updates, so not to disappoint,  I am now back in my own home and doing fine. The only thing keeping me from enjoying a somewhat normal life are 15 steps or Mount Stairway. So far the only method to ascend to the top of this summit, that has a warm bed and hot shower, is once again crawling on my hands and knees in order to experience such comforts. And since I am sans sherpa to bring my one legged walking tools, I am relegated to the first floor base camp.

I have another appointment to have the stitches removed and assess my progress on Wednesday so hopefully day old treats and no tricks.

Now as I look out the window and I see snowflakes are still falling.   I look forward to new and exciting events during this next year while being extremely grateful for all that I have experienced with each passing year and hopefully the sun will continue to shine.     

2 week post op update

I passed the two week point with flying colors. All 3 incisions in my foot are healing the way they should. I thought the stitches would be removed today, but instead it was decided they needed to stay another two weeks. I was given a print of the x-rays which showed 2 screws in my heel. I didn’t even know I was getting screws. But now that I think about it, the surgeon did move my heel further right so I guess it has to attach to something so I guess I’m screwed.

The hardest part of the day was choosing the cast color. Do I go with green for my Ohio Bobcats, blue to match most of my shoes, or pink for breast cancer awareness month? I kept it simple and sensible. The basic black so as not to show the dirt however  I get a new one on November 1^st so who knows what might be next. 

I will admit it’s  been a little humiliating and eye opening during these first two weeks. It’s only temporary but losing your independence and having to rely on my daughter and son in law for my ordinary needs has been both humbling and inspiring. I have enjoyed some accomplishments in my professional and personal life but the morning I figured out how to dress myself, cutting one of the last ties to those taking care of me, for a moment put any other achievements behind me. I am motivated by the loss of weight since surgery and the changes in my diet, thanks to my daughters.

You might remember the adventure it took for me to just get in the house the day after surgery. Since then, I have knocked minutes off my time. I now bound steps…with knee pads, crawl on said knee pads across the kitchen floor, slide on my butt out the door and down three steps to my waiting scooter. My 19-month-old Grandson Gavin, who just started walking, seems a bit confused as if to say this is what I have to look forward to?

It’s amazing what we take for granted, the simple things like getting up and sitting down, how we move around or negotiate obstacles so easily.  I know this is just a bump in the road for me compared to those who have much longer recoveries from life threatening illnesses and injuries but it has opened my eyes to the gifts we have been given.

Stop to celebrate the big and not so big moments in your lives because no matter the significance, never take for granted things and events that bring happiness to you and those you touch. It’s been a bizarre week in so many ways, we all need a dose of happiness and a dash of laughter this weekend. Cheers!  

If Not Us...Who?

“There is no present or future. only the past happening over and over.” Eugene O’Niel

As I was trying to make sense of  the fall out of the Harvey Weinstein story, my daughter who works in Human Resources said something I had never really thought about, “Its not easy being a woman these days.”

Wait…What?…These days?  The actions of Weinstein were events that happened years ago much like the women who accused Bill Cosby of similar acts. Today Women are succeeding in the workplace, men are actually working for women and the glass ceiling has been shattered.

Or so I thought.

We’ve been exposed to the exploits of people like Weinstein and Bill Cosby, Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes and even President Clinton. We listen in shock of their sickness and disregard for women. We hope their world collapses around them with little disregard for the lives of their victims. Yet we fail to wonder if,when and how it will ever end, what will it take to stop this appalling dis-respect towards women and bring much needed hope for change.

As a man and a father of two amazing daughters, I am sickened to think that they may have experienced something like this. I am disgusted by men who can justify their actions by joking or even bragging of their behavior. I’m mortified by men who feel they are superior enough to prey upon on a woman just to prove his strength over them with little concern for their well-being, emotions and the lifetime of emotional scars they inflicted.

   

And I’m embarrassed that too many men do not have the ability or even understand what it means to treat a woman with the respect and dignity they so much deserve.

 After many classes on sexual harassment and producing training videos that put the fear of God into the men who had to watch, the idea of treating a woman with anything less than equality seemed ancient.

And this idiocy also includes racism and equal rights based on sexual preference. The KKK is making a return, white supremacy supporters are growing in number and the division between whites and other people of color is getting wider.

I suppose I was a lucky person growing up in a family that stressed showing respect for others and wanting little in return. The Golden Rule was the way to lead my life along with the the laws of scouting to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Seems too simple. No where does it say create and follow my own agenda at the total expense  of others. 

  

How did treating others with respect and dignity lose it’s way in a society that is screaming  for direction and leadership?  Why is it we complicate the simple things in life specifically how we treat each other. We’ve had enough history to learn from, speeches to be inspired by and hurt to be humbled with. But somehow the message seems to fall short of those who consider themselves superior to others simply because of the color of their skin, their power hold in business and society or even their gender.

   

Only one of those we can control. We don’t choose to be male or female, black or white, straight or gay. And like the argument goes, what gives anyone else the power to dictate the rights and privileges of others based on sex, race or even sexual preference.

 

It’s become obvious based on the reaction of our elected officials that they lack the ability or courage to bring about change without affecting their ability to raise money, so where do we turn.

We will always need people of courage to protect our lives and our freedoms from terrorists. But now we need people with the courage to stand up and lead the way against bullies, sexual predators, power seeking selfishness and ego strutting maniacs.Where are these leaders?

Maybe we’re all to blame in some way. Our elected President in an interview degraded women and justified his comments by saying it was locker room talk and went so far as to call his opponent a nasty woman, yet he sits as our 45^th President and his comments are not even mentioned in comparison to Weinstein or Cosby or even President Bill Clinton. These stories just come with lots of coverage and opinions but as soon as the news cycle takes away the attention, we take comfort in the hope that the problem no longer exists

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Once again we’re confronted with the need for leadership and change, change that will bring us hope for a safer, trusting and  loving country. 

When a woman no longer feels safe just going to work without fear of intimidation or physical harm, is there hope?; When a black person can no longer return from work with a sense of value instead of a feeling of fear and hatred is there hope? When none of  us can look at our neighbor or co-worker with trust or friendship is there hope? When it becomes impossible to simply walk through a park or shopping center without fear is there hope? When we are all forced to lock ourselves into our homes like a self imposed jail sentence and cut ourselves off from society because it’s the only way to protect our lives and family, where is the hope?

 

Maybe it’s time we look beyond the headlines and opinions, and instead of placing blame take it upon ourselves to bring about change. If not us, then who?

Maybe then we can begin to find ways to discover and deliver much needed hope.    

One week post surgery

For the most point I am a pretty optimistic guy so as I reach this first milepost how do I approach it? Am I one week down or just 5 weeks left on the non weight bearing part of this journey. That also led me to start thinking this becomes more of a psychological battle than just finding ways to avoid pain and be comfortable. One is very limited when it comes to activities after foot or ankle surgery. I have a therapist who comes twice a week to teach me how to deal with things and gives me some exercises to do to keep a little strength in my legs. I actually look forward to their visit because it's a break in the routine. But after exercise number two I quickly wonder why it was I looked forward to their visit.

I think it's the loss of independence that is creeping into my psyche and playing havoc. My days are based on when to get up to pee, when to take my meds, when do Courtney and Justin and the kids get home, then dreading going to bed and repeating it all tomorrow. I have started adding work to my schedule which is mostly watching sports productions and writing reviews for schools and announcers. That's helping to shorten the days, but I find myself thinking of all the things I want to do but can't. It's like eating Tofu instead of Ice Cream, its the right thing to do but then I still want Ice Cream.  You just miss the things you can't do more so when you don't  control the circumstances. Then I look down at my leg, where I swear they replaced my foot with a bowling ball, thinking one week down or is it 5 weeks to go.

What have I learned so far....avoid the news channels unless you thrive on a state of anger and depression. Also I am not a binge watcher so my monthly Netflix payment is going to waste except for those who I unknowingly share my account with. They are the ones who then tell me I should sit and watch a certain series, which I try, only to lose interest halfway through the 2nd episode. The knee scooter is the absolute perfect mode of transportation when needing to get around. Although it has a very loose turning radius so be careful not to tip it and all of the sudden your weight is on your foot and your hands are protecting your face from the wall in front of you and you think I have ruined everything and you scream which brings your care takers running and trying not to laugh at the situation you created....not that I have experienced this but can only imagine.

What's next? Formulating a plan for conquering the need to go up 5 steps, then get me upright so that I can get to my first follow up appointment in one week and a cast to replace the splint/bowling ball I am in now. Pain management is under control as I slowly switch from the Oxycontin to Tylenol. Normally it would be Ibuprofen but because I'm on a blood thinner to treat my AFib  I need to avoid Ibuprofen. Pain that I have is mostly from not having my foot elevated lonmger than I should.

Most important is that you have the support of a family member or really really close and dedicated friend knowing what you will both be experiencing pushes the bounds of friendships and family support. In my case, as I have mentioned, it's my grown kids who have been there for me. I would like to say this is payback for those teenage years but guess what guys, this is just a first rehearsal, the main show should be quite an attraction.

 

Day 2 & 3 Surgery & Recovery

Welcome to day 5 of surgery recovery and based on the title of this post it should not be hard to imagine days 2, 3 &4 went from the bizarre to frustration with a dash of humiliation.

The morning after surgery went fine. I discovered dilaudid  and its magic elixir does wonders for a person's state of mind when dealing with pain. The only problem is it is not included in the gift bag as you leave the hospital. As I searched through the gift bag full of the clothes I wore the day before the hospital had determined I was just fine and ready to go home and the transfer of power had been made from medical experts to people  whose medical expertise came from binge watching medical shows.

Now you would think going home would  be exciting but this was number one on my what I dread about surgery list. I have and read and been told countless times to not put any weight on the foot that was operated on and keep it elevated for the first two weeks. Easier said than done and the pain that went with any ounce of weight on the surgical foot was a constant reminder and I swear there was a little man dressed like a Doctor flipping a switch with this hideous laugh while sending pain to my right foot every  time I accidentally stepped on that foot.

After much debate we determined based on our medical expertise, the best place for me was on the floor of the mini van. That alone required 4 bolts of pain so no way was I considering the comfort of a seat. Next came exiting the van once we arrived home only to see a vast spread of concrete called the garage floor. My team of experts began the process of how we would get me to the next obstacle, a set of three steps up. First we tried a wagon used for Grandchildren that now needs a 4 wheel alignment. We quickly eliminated the strong shoulders of my  medical team and when I heard the distinct sound of a furniture dolly being assembled I summoned the strength on a Ninja Warrior to grab the walker and took the needed hops with no weight on the right foot in order to land at the base of the dreaded three steps. I chose the backwards butt slide up those steps then an arm crawl across the dining room and kitchen floors, reversed to a forward butt slide down 5 steps to my living level, mounted my new knee scooter, maneuvered to my new bedroom, threw up and crawled into bed. There ends Day Two.

Advice was one reason to write this so if you are facing surgery like this you will  have some idea what to expect. Next to getting in and out of the car, hygiene was a major concern. especially getting to and going to the bathroom. Lets get this out of the way, everybody pees and everybody poops so going forward those are the words I am using. I know this is from a guy's perspective but guy or girl, don't be afraid to ask for help. Guys can use plastic urinals and I assume a girl has to sit on the dreaded bed pan. In the hospital they have seen it all a million times so keep telling yourself this. At home find a friend or family member that is willing to do what no one asks a friend to do. In my case, my son in law has gone above and beyond and handles it with great patience and understanding. A weird sense of humor seems to help as well.  The worst thing you can do is not deal with this upfront and be faced with a humiliating experience like peeing all of yourself then asking for help. Know who is helping you  and make sure they know what they are getting into. Its a temporary thing, you are not asking them to do this for the rest of your lives and one day you will laugh....I hope.

Day 4 started with a breakdown after not being able to get to the bathroom in time and having to lie in wait for help, knowing the things I would never want to be asked to do I was going to have to ask my son in law to do for me I really thought there was no way I could handle this and see this through and could only think I would end up in a Rehab center. Tears did not help and feeling sorry for myself did not work, I just had to face reality. I hope that was a turning point because the rest of the day brought hope for less pain through out the day and being able to deal with it. For me Surgery was on a Thursday and everyone who was helping were off on Friday then we had the weekend to get settled without dealing with work schedules as well. Day 5 brings a home health care worker to assess where we are and how we are doing

         

Day Before Surgery

Tomorrow I am having surgery on my right foot to repair the ruptured Peroneal  tendons. This was originally diagnosed as arthritis but on July 13th while walking across the living room I felt a snap in my foot. After having an MRI done 2 weeks later, that nasty word surgery was delivered. This unwelcome news came at a time that I had begun the process to have Bariatric surgery so this became not only a painful decision but an emotional one as well since I had already told quite a few people I was seriously considering bariatric bypass.  But common sense stepped forward and realizing one was required surgery and the other an elective surgery and considering I would not be able to do any walking post Bariatric surgery, I got the horse back in front of the cart and here I am today, preparing for 6 weeks of recovery from foot surgery. That means no weight bearing on that foot.

I have purchased a knee scooter  for when I'm ready to move around. Considering a shower bench and a higher toilet seat. I will be staying with my Daughter and Son-In-Law along with their 4 year old daughter and 18 month old son. I am so grateful for their generosity but I can't help but wonder when will my lovely Granddaughter asks when is Grandpa leaving...he stinks! Yes hygiene is a major concern and I'm open to advice or suggestions so that I remain in good standing with Rylie.

The hospital has called and we are to be there at 6am for a 7:30 surgery. My son Kyle is taking me. No food or water after midnight. So what caused this mild discomfort? Probably my weight, and finally the tendons could take no more. It was described to me as watching a rope fray, eventually it will coma apart and like a frayed rope, it can't fix itself. On top of that I am in what they call AFib so there is a little concern about that. I have been treated twice for that but thats on hold until after this surgery and I will work with Cardiologist starting in December,

So if you have not figured things out, my weight is still a really really good bowling score or that of most  football linemen. I would like to say this was a result of too much running or a serious kick boxing accident (you should see the other guy), but no, the tug of war waged between my foot and the rest of my body wore out my tendons.

I have put this off as long as I could and my foot is telling me no more so stay tuned  for my typing skills combined with pain killers.   

Thoughts and Prayers

Have the tragic shooting events that are becoming an un-welcome part of our lives and the tattered fabric of our country finally sucked the meaning out of the fall back phrase “thoughts and prayers.” Our leaders have uttered it so many times it’s meaning seems hallow and worthless like saying have a nice day. Does it really provide comfort and ease the pain to those its being offered to?

When someone says my thoughts are with you, what meaning is there behind those words, how can we even imagine what that person is going through, how their life has been changed, what emotions are tearing at their very being. It’s one thing to offer our thoughts to a relative or friend but when a political leader utters the same phrase, where does the meaning come from behind the words?

But when someone also offers prayers it’s even more personal. For me prayers are private, personal thoughts and concerns between me and God. How then do the prayers of someone else reach out to those we pray for?  But more so, do we always remember to say those prayers we offered as sympathy. I know for me I have a hard time remembering to take that moment to pray a prayer that has great meaning to me. How does something that is so personal carry meaning when offered by someone these people have never met.

But more than offering thoughts and prayers it’s time for those who have been elected to serve our country, defend our constitution and protect our freedoms, to finally put meaning behind their thoughts for victims and families. Only they have the power to bring life to their words by finally realizing why they chose to serve this country.

Too often they are referred to as Politicians instead of the elected official sworn to uphold the rights and freedoms of American Citizens. They let politics be their excuse for the inability to create needed change. They were not elected to deliver their thoughts and prayers, we gave them the power to enact change that will allow us to go about normal lives and no longer live in fear of our fellow citizens.

If we can no longer feel safe dropping off our kids at school, going to a movie or attending an outdoor music festival, what good are these rights and freedoms? No longer can we hold accountable just the deranged shooter but it’s time that  those who have the ability to actually make the changes to give back the freedoms we cherish to take the blame and be held accountable as well.

You Mr President, Justices of the Supreme Court, Senators and Representatives now have the blood of the innocent victims on your hands and it cannot be washed away through thoughts and prayers. Only your actions can bring changes that will allow your constituents to enjoy the freedom to go about normal lives. Until then fear is the new normal.

 We always hold high the courage of first responders’ and the job they do even though this is what they are trained to do and the profession they chose. I am grateful for these brave people, but my thoughts and prayers would be they never have to experience for real what they are trained to do. We also praise the efforts of everyday Americans as we open our hearts and wallets searching for ways to help the victims of events that we wish never happened. My thoughts and prayers would be that instead of defining ourselves as those who come together when needed, instead  be defined as those who come together to celebrate the peace and love we have for each other.

I recently was astounded to hear a group of young people in ages of 25 to 40 discussing what they had in their “bug out bags” and what they felt they needed to survive should our country be devastated by something other than natural disasters. These are the people who will be the next to bring about change and define our country and instead of talking about hope and dreams, they were discussing fear and selfishness.

No longer are thoughts and prayers enough, it’s time for action that is pure and simple. Not to sound like a 60’s flower child but my prayer is we no longer ask or deliver thoughts and prayers but instead we live our lives in peace and with love of one another.